Last year, Livi was barely two months old on Mother’s Day. We were in the thick of things and we struggled. Every. Single. Day. We hardly ever slept and Livi almost always cried. Loud, intense cries, all day long.
I did not feel like celebrating Mother’s Day because I did not feel like I was doing a good job. I did not think that I deserved to be celebrated like all the other moms out there.
My child was clearly unhappy and I was unable to calm her, unable to make her feel better.
I was sleep deprived and devastated, constantly trying to find a solution, to find answers, to find out what was going wrong.
Last year on Mother’s Day, I had not yet heard of high need babies. I did not know that some babies just have a harder time adjusting to life, that they have a personality that makes it more difficult for them to deal with the stimulations of our life. I did not know that my baby was a high need baby.
Looking at her now, I know that I did all I could during those first days and weeks and months. I held her and I talked to her. I read to her and I sang to her. I loved her with all my heart and through it all. I now believe that I am a good mother.
This Mother’s Day, I got many hugs and kisses and big smiles from my precious little girl, who is still struggling but doing so much better. And it felt really good – to be her mom, to be celebrated, and to be where we are today.